he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
