As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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