I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.