it wasn't lemon gatorade
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.