As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
