the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.