your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
