I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
