it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
