your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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