I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
