so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
