Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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