Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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