Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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