I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
