2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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Sext me about skeletons
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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