we're blogging at a bar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
