Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
