Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
