don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
