Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
