Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize