sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
