Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
