My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
