I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
