the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
