im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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