so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
