My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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