im drinking this country out of the recession.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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