I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
