Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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