Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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