you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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