And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
