There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
