We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
