Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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