It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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