my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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