youre lurking in front of me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
