is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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