Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
