you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
