Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
