i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
