make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
