Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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