Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
