sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
