You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
