Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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