Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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