i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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