I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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