is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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