If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize