he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
